Monday, December 19, 2011

An Old Friend

Wow- it has been 4 months since I last updated this blog- and believe me- a lot has happened since then.  I moved back to the town that grew up in.  A shocking reentry into the old habits I use to have.  I started smoking again, quit working out and ate very little to compensate.  It was working- I got down to 229 lbs  but when starvation got old, I ate. And it all came back- I went back up to 245lbs.  Depressed, discouraged and (seemingly) defeated- I turned to Christ for strength.  I had sought strength in cigarettes, myself, the world and the gym  but NONE of those worked.  I needed real community- I needed accountability- I needed to finish what I started.  I started talking with an old friend from high school (Alan Joyner).  I followed him on facebook and saw how he was involved in a group called CrossFit.  (  I saw his amazing progress and fitness capabilities and I wanted to know more about it- I wanted to be apart of something again.  So when the opportunity came up (December 5th) I took the plunge and joined CrossFit Believe.  
 (45lb Kettle Bell Swings)

I have learned that being "out of it" for only a few months REALLY set me back (as my mentor Matt B. warned me about) I am really feeling incredible these days.  Feeling strong, feeling confident and I have a goal in mind that is more realistic for my height and build.  BMI is a ghost- no one knows why they're chasing it- why they want to have that "normal" bmi.  I guess it's because the majority of the people out there want whats normal.  guess I want to do what's best.  199lbs is my new goal.  Lean, Strong,  and Athletic. 

My challenge for 2012 is to hit 199lbs and maintain it.  

Tuesday, June 21, 2011


Quick update- Last week's weigh in was amazing- God is good, all the time.  247.8 lbs! 
I cannot remember when I weighed this little- I am going to try to get ahold of my adolescent medical records to confirm.

Pushing hard- ramping up the weight lifting days- I can see muscles I did not know existed on me.

64lbs. to go!

Monday, June 13, 2011

Have you ever seen so many losers?

Hey.  Whats Up?

I have noticed on TV that weight loss is EVERYWHERE!!  I know this comes in phases, and that before I was born there were periods of fitness and weight loss focus in our country.   But these stories are like none I've ever heard of.  I watched a story of a guy who lost over 200lbs, had skin removal surgery, and is now feeling better than ever.  Yay! and everyone cheered.... 
I don't know why, I don't know how, but these certain people are chosen.  And their given an incredible opportunity.  To change their life with all the best help, financial assistance and doctors that can do anything.  Then- they're given a platform on which to make a statement about how and why they did this thing- made this change. I keep thinking, this isn't fair! 
I have literally worked my butt off for almost 1 year now, I've lost 150lbs by eating healthy and exercising.
This weekend I weighed in at 251.6lbs

You know, I need help too, but there's no one there that will step in and pay the bill for all the surgery and counseling and food and gym fee's and every other cost associated with changing from Morbid Obesity to Healthy BMI.  Most of us just Deal with it.  We have to Fight- tooth and nail- for every ounce of weight we'll lose. But honestly, every day that we're stuck in the body of something You don't wanna see is like an eternity in pain.

It makes me toss and turn, sometimes.

I wish someone would give me the chance.  I've done 90% of the work without the assistance (besides motivation and support) that these "Contestants" get. 

I wanna feel good about myself too. 
Don't I deserve that?

I know that there is nothing more important than the understanding that Your Son, Jesus died for my sins so that I might live again.  I thank you for the strength, courage and endurance you've placed in me.  I couldn't do this alone.  I ask you for help, Father.  I need something to ease my mind- my soul.  When I look in the mirror all I see is what I have done wrong.  Change that, Lord.  Continue to change me.


67lbs to go!

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

At Some Point, Something Went Wrong.

When I was a kid (I use that term- knowing that I'm only 26, and you might still think I'm just a kid)
I cannot remember seeing commercials for fast food and restaurants that served the kind of food that is acceptable today. When I see advertising for a double bacon cheeseburger that has deep fried onion rings stuffed in it, and then you get a side of onion rings with it, plus a big sugary soda, I think- how many calories is that?!? But you could get one with deep fried jalapenos in it and instead of onion rings you could get fries or tater tots, or chili fries, or chili cheese fries covered in bacon and extra cheese.

I could seriously barf just thinking about all the garbage that is for sale at these "restaurants", that’s kinda funny, because Is it really considered cooking when all you're doing is reheating pre-cooked, pre-made food? No. it's not.

When I saw this ad, I became angry- because this is what is seen by not only Me- a grown up, but KIDS- MY KIDS. Kids that don't know better, so they think this food looks GOOD. When it is really just JUNK, GARBAGE, TRASH. This would wreck your system if you ate it. If you took a person and fed them mass amounts of calories, sugar, carbs, and fat in a (very generous) 20 minute time span, they could become very sick. When I weighed over 400lbs. I might have eaten this very meal- and felt AWFUL afterwards, but I didn't care.

I guess that’s what changed- somewhere along the way, you either decide to Care what you're eating or not Care.

Do you care?

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Renew Me

Oh my, how are you WWW? Let me give you an update.

I am pushing (what seems like) harder than ever on my workouts these days.  I am lifting more than I ever thought I would be, and my cardio has been intense. but....I've reached the DREADED PLATEAU!!  This happens to ANYONE that is undergoing serious transformation through weight loss.  You hit these spots where the weight doesn't seem to drop anymore.  So, for the last 2 weeks I've really not lost a whole lot of weight.  I was down to 253lbs last week, but I've been holding water this whole week!  As of today I was back up to 257lbs. I want to break that 250lb mark SO BAD!!!

Almost 1 year into this, I find myself in need of a renewing of my dedication and commitment to this path that I'm on. If you would,  Pray for me.  That I will break through this plateau phase.God,
I have nothing that you have not placed in my life.  I thank you for transformation of my mind and my body.  I ask that you'll continue to help me.  Continue to make me new- each day.


69lbs. to go!

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

What, Why, How

Hello friends- I've gotta say, Last week was a stalemate. I Gained 1lb.  I feel like I was retaining water- despite working out very hard.  As Matt B. reminded me- this is a test of character- continue to push- don't let this trip you up or slow you down.  The body goes through this periodically- I'd lost almost 3X the amount of weight (that I'm "supposed to" the week before, so I'm not worried about it)
This week has been right on track- Despite the enemy's attacks at every turn- I remain diligent.

A thought occurred to me-
Every day we are faced with what seems like an immeasurable amount of choices.  From the second that you wake up, you make choices.  I choose when to get out of bed.  I choose what clothes I'll wear, what shoes, when to eat, what to eat, which way to go to work, should I speed up at that Yellow light or slow down, what words I'll say, and how I'll say them, and so on and so on.  So I asked myself- "What are the answers to 3 questions that most any decision takes into consideration-
WHAT am I doing?  WHY am I doing it?  and HOW will I do it?"

With all the changes and choices I make and have made to my lifestyle, I can answer these questions.

WHAT am I doing?  I am allowing transformation to occur in my heart. Doing that transforms my attitude, which motivates me to improve myself (mentally, spiritually, and physically).
WHY am I doing it?  To show the world that the power of Christ is real.  That ALL things are possible, through Jesus.
HOW will I do it?  By committing myself to live up to my full, God breathed potential. 

We are all made in the image and likeness of God. 

God didn't make me unhealthy, fat, and broken.  I did that to myself.  And because my heart, mind and spirit are being transformed from their destructive ways- I CHOOSE to live a life that is More healthy, more focused, and more productive.

Today- make good choices- driven by prayer and full understanding; not impulse and cloudy judgement.  Today I choose to press on.


Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Spring has Sprung

Hello faithful,
I am writing today with Joy in my heart.  I had a phenomenal weekend and Good news to report. 
But let's back up a little bit there!  The last time I'd written I was 267lbs.  Since then- I weighed 263lbs two weeks ago, a great week full of sweat and tears on the elliptical. It was crazy. 
I spent this past weekend with my Dad for his 75th birthday.  I saw my Sisters from Texas and their husbands.  So there was a ton of positive comments and encouragement from them.  My dad told me he was proud of me for the work I'd done in making myself healthier (Which is better than any gold star you got in grade school).

I weighed in this past week 258lbs! that is a 5.8lb loss, which (in the words of Matt B.) is a Fantastic week.  I really think my metabolism is working properly.  So, eating right and the hard work at the gym is paying off. 

I am excited to do some spring time activities.  Playing on the church softball team, going golfing with my brother, and just getting outdoors with my kids on a regular basis to walk, run and play. 

This spring in my step is due to the continued outpouring of God's beautiful, wonderful, generous, and unending mercy.  Praise God for His work in me.

74lbs to go!

Friday, April 1, 2011

Stand and Deliver

I promised my leader 269lbs.  With the blessing of God's gift to me in strength and determination- I showed up at 267lbs!  I felt like I could scream it was so exciting!  With a new challenge around ever turn, and the temptation of old stumbling blocks- I have to remind myself of this phrase "I am the God's".
Food was my idol, I leaned on food for comfort, strength, reassurance, affirmation, and consistency.  Food is always around.

This life transformation isn't about starving.  Its not about obsessing.  Its about seeing- truly- for the first time, what living is all about.  I am alive for the right reasons.  I live for the right reasons.  I workout and eat right for the right reasons.  To show that I am God's.  and that He will do great works and miracles in those that lean on HIM instead of the idols of this life.

I was listening to a really good song called "Tip the Scales" by Rise Against.  The song just pumps me up beyond belief.  check it out- if you find the time.

I am going places I've never gone before with this idea in mind.  "live like no one else" 
We'll see what tomorrow holds for me.

83lbs to go!

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

What Has Been Lost Shall Never Return

OH MY GOSH!  It seems like it's been forever since I posted, and for that- I'm Sorry.

So much has happened in the past month....where to begin?
Lets go in chronological order.  March started out with a 2lb loss- taking me to 272lbs., Then on Wednesday, March 9th- After 14yrs of having thyroid issues, I had the right side of my Thyroid removed (along with a goiter that was 4.5 inches long x 1.5 inches wide (since i don't have real picture- I made a really crummy drawing of what it was shaped like)

that procedure resulted in this little souvenir

it also caused me to gain 10lbs (in water weight) putting me at 282lbs for the second week of the month.
I haven't noticed a huge change so far except for the lump being gone. 
I couldn't eat much of anything that was good for me (or at all), and I was so messed up from the pain medicine I was taking I couldn't work out.  I had to remind myself- recovery and healing was first and most important thing.  Nothing was going to derail my progress however.  So the next week I came to weigh in (unsure of what I would find).  Much to my surprise- I had lost all of that water weight and then some.  I was 271lbs! 
10lbs. of water weight gone and 1lb for good measure :)

This week I am committing myself to staying right on track- I started back to the gym on Monday for Cardio.  I can't do any upper body weight lifting for a while.  I continue to work on core and legs.  I have Committed to Matt B. that I will come in at 269lbs or lower this weekend. 

Pray for my determination- that it wouldn't slow down.  Something that this who process has taught me it that there is NO problem that you can't overcome.  You just have to do the work that is necessary.  THE WEIGHT WON'T JUST COME OFF (and stay off) BY ITSELF,  You gotta want it- Badly.

87lbs to go!

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

everybody hits a wall, not many break through it.

I sent this to my brothers in T8WC.  A charge of encouragement, can you find truth in this for yourself?  If you can- Use it.  I know that we are not alone in our struggle.

"Hello brothers,
we were all once defeated by Satan in our lives when it came to self control and eating. Today, I can say we have victory in Christ. Should you sin that grace may more abound? God forbid! Don't give up ground that you have won with blood, sweat, and tears.

Behind us is a trail of pounds lost, mountain tops crossed and blood spilled in the name of reclaiming who we are in Christ... we are made in the image of God.

Take your mind back to that first week weigh in. Some guys lost 9...12...even 16lbs!

Stay close to God in prayer, remain COMPLIANT through transformation, not contrition.

Be men of character and men stronger than ANY voice in your head saying 'but you've come so far'. We still have a lifetime to go, gentleman.

Press on."

90lbs to go!


Wednesday, February 16, 2011

What would Kevin Costner Say?

Hello out there.  A fantastic week so far-  I am learning that I have a lot more fight in me than Previously assumed.  I pounded out 60 minutes on the elliptical at level 15 resistance.  never dropped below 85 revs.  I affectionately call it "the elliptical death march".  I've also pushed my weights even harder- Reaching the 200lb mark on my Lat Pull down exercise, and 255lbs leg press.

Down, down, down!  ya- another 2lbs gone!  276lbs is where I came in this past Saturday.  We had a week were NO MAN on T8WC gained or maintained weight.  Everyone lost (so...everyone won!)  I also saw my doctor-  He was happy to see me down 125lbs since my last visit.  Also my blood pressure was down to a normal level.  Praise God for that!

"Never stop fighting till the fight is done."

92lbs to go!!

Friday, February 11, 2011

New Changes to the Plan

Hello yall- For the past month now, there's been a huge change implemented in our program.  Every 7 Days, I get 1 Cheat day on my eating.  This is to act as a reset for my body.  To shock it once a week into working harder to burn the fat the other 6 days.  So far, I can't complain.  I am now down to 278, which is lower than I've ever weighed as a grown up (as you may have read from my last post).  Tomorrow will be the 4th weigh in that takes into account the reset day.  We'll see if its still holding its merit.  The last thing I am going to do is sabotage my progress.  If it looks like I'm not having success with it- I'm gonna cut it out. Period. 
I am seeing great results from my weight training (increases are coming each week)  and my waist and chest measurements keep going down little by little.  So I'm please. Also did something crazy- Pushed out 1 mile on the elliptical in 9min 6sec. Felt amazing.
Wow- I'm just glad it's Friday. 
Doctor appointment on Tuesday.  It's been 10 months since He's seen me- we'll see what he thinks about my progress. Thanks for all the love and support I've been hearing from you guys.

Everybody- have a Happy Valentines Day- Spend it with the one you love, and never take them for granted.

94 to go!

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

When I Was 16

I was 5'11 and I weighed 281lbs.  I know because I got my drivers permit on my 16th birthday. 
Flash forward 9 Years, it's my 25th birthday- I'm 6'and I weigh over 400lbs.  That's more than a growth spurt.  This is my license photo from when I moved to Lee's Summit- they carried over the info from my permit to every license I've had since.  It still says 5'11 and 281lbs. 

Both of those are still wrong- I'm 6'. but I weigh 280lbs now.  Yeah- Less than I did when I was 16 Years Old. 
I'm gonna do a little count down from here on out till I hit my goal weight of 184 lbs.

96 to go!


Wednesday, January 19, 2011


Bu-di-du-det-dut-da! Yeah!  It's 2011- And we're back in the blog action with some serious motivation for the year. 
I'm proud to report that at my last weigh in I was down to 282.8lbs- That puts me 98lbs away from my goal weight!  I WILL DO IT IN 2011!!   AHHH!!! I'M SO PUMPED!!  New changes in my life/health arena.  I am happy to say that I am OFF of the blood pressure meds that were prescribed for me back in April.  Yay!  When I started this whole thing- I was wearing size 50 jeans and a 5XL coat.

I am now wearing size 40 jeans and a XL coat. (and That feels AMAZING!!!!!) 

To be able to shop right off the rack at a store is crazy- not having to special order or go to the big and tall section (if they had one)

I'm feeling like my energy is way up- I'm much more focused , day to day. 
Here's the serious stuff.
With all of this- comes heart changes.  Besides the obvious physical changes to my heart, my relationships have been effected too.  I can't act like they are untouched.  Some are stronger than ever before.  I feel a sense of approval that I've never seen from some people.  I also feel the daggers sometimes.  This year- I want to complete my physical journey- get to my goal weight.  But I want to see improvement in my relationships each week also.  Only through the moving of the Holy Spirit, is this possible. 
Dear Heavenly Father,
I thank you for what you've done in my life, what you're doing in my heart and what you've already planned out for my future.  I want to dedicate myself to spiritual health this year- along with my physical health.  Let me see the opportunities to grow- and let me take advantage of them.  Keep me strong, keep me focused on my course.  Be with the ones I love- so they could grow in their love and relationship with you, by my example. 

In Jesus' name- Amen.