Down but Not Out

I am so close to my goal of 199lbs I can taste it.  I have hit that all to familiar wall again though.  I was injured in an auto accident in August and I have had very little time at the CrossFit box as a result of that.  It has been a life changing thing-  I had my routine- my schedule and things seemed to be going really great!  I am so close to hitting a personal goal I set back in December 2011- being able to Deadlift 400lbs (my previous body weight)  I acheived 395lb deadlift one week ago.  But my progress of losing weight and building strength is slow.  My entire right side is in varied amounts of pain from day to day.  I want to do so much but I worry that I'll injure myself more severely. 

With all of this I cannot lose sight of the things I have committed to accomplishing. 
Its getting close to the end of this year and I will not leave anything unfinished.  I MUST- I WILL DO THIS.

215lbs.

16lbs. to go!

An Old Friend

Wow- it has been 4 months since I last updated this blog- and believe me- a lot has happened since then.  I moved back to the town that grew up in.  A shocking reentry into the old habits I use to have.  I started smoking again, quit working out and ate very little to compensate.  It was working- I got down to 229 lbs  but when starvation got old, I ate. And it all came back- I went back up to 245lbs.  Depressed, discouraged and (seemingly) defeated- I turned to Christ for strength.  I had sought strength in cigarettes, myself, the world and the gym  but NONE of those worked.  I needed real community- I needed accountability- I needed to finish what I started.  I started talking with an old friend from high school (Alan Joyner).  I followed him on facebook and saw how he was involved in a group called CrossFit.  (www.crossfitbelieve.com)  I saw his amazing progress and fitness capabilities and I wanted to know more about it- I wanted to be apart of something again.  So when the opportunity came up (December 5th) I took the plunge and joined CrossFit Believe.  

 (45lb Kettle Bell Swings)

I have learned that being "out of it" for only a few months REALLY set me back (as my mentor Matt B. warned me about) I am really feeling incredible these days.  Feeling strong, feeling confident and I have a goal in mind that is more realistic for my height and build.  BMI is a ghost- no one knows why they're chasing it- why they want to have that "normal" bmi.  I guess it's because the majority of the people out there want whats normal.  guess I want to do what's best.  199lbs is my new goal.  Lean, Strong,  and Athletic. 

My challenge for 2012 is to hit 199lbs and maintain it.  

I will do it- I CAN DO ALL THINGS, THROUGH CHRIST, WHO STRENGTHENS ME.  

Have you ever seen so many losers?

Hey.  Whats Up?

I have noticed on TV that weight loss is EVERYWHERE!!  I know this comes in phases, and that before I was born there were periods of fitness and weight loss focus in our country.   But these stories are like none I've ever heard of.  I watched a story of a guy who lost over 200lbs, had skin removal surgery, and is now feeling better than ever.  Yay! and everyone cheered.... 
I don't know why, I don't know how, but these certain people are chosen.  And their given an incredible opportunity.  To change their life with all the best help, financial assistance and doctors that can do anything.  Then- they're given a platform on which to make a statement about how and why they did this thing- made this change. I keep thinking, this isn't fair! 
I have literally worked my butt off for almost 1 year now, I've lost 150lbs by eating healthy and exercising.
This weekend I weighed in at 251.6lbs

You know, I need help too, but there's no one there that will step in and pay the bill for all the surgery and counseling and food and gym fee's and every other cost associated with changing from Morbid Obesity to Healthy BMI.  Most of us just Deal with it.  We have to Fight- tooth and nail- for every ounce of weight we'll lose. But honestly, every day that we're stuck in the body of something You don't wanna see is like an eternity in pain.

It makes me toss and turn, sometimes.

I wish someone would give me the chance.  I've done 90% of the work without the assistance (besides motivation and support) that these "Contestants" get. 

I wanna feel good about myself too. 
Don't I deserve that?

God,
I know that there is nothing more important than the understanding that Your Son, Jesus died for my sins so that I might live again.  I thank you for the strength, courage and endurance you've placed in me.  I couldn't do this alone.  I ask you for help, Father.  I need something to ease my mind- my soul.  When I look in the mirror all I see is what I have done wrong.  Change that, Lord.  Continue to change me.

Amen.

67lbs to go!



At Some Point, Something Went Wrong.

When I was a kid (I use that term- knowing that I'm only 26, and you might still think I'm just a kid)
I cannot remember seeing commercials for fast food and restaurants that served the kind of food that is acceptable today. When I see advertising for a double bacon cheeseburger that has deep fried onion rings stuffed in it, and then you get a side of onion rings with it, plus a big sugary soda, I think- how many calories is that?!? But you could get one with deep fried jalapenos in it and instead of onion rings you could get fries or tater tots, or chili fries, or chili cheese fries covered in bacon and extra cheese.

I could seriously barf just thinking about all the garbage that is for sale at these "restaurants", that’s kinda funny, because Is it really considered cooking when all you're doing is reheating pre-cooked, pre-made food? No. it's not.

When I saw this ad, I became angry- because this is what is seen by not only Me- a grown up, but KIDS- MY KIDS. Kids that don't know better, so they think this food looks GOOD. When it is really just JUNK, GARBAGE, TRASH. This would wreck your system if you ate it. If you took a person and fed them mass amounts of calories, sugar, carbs, and fat in a (very generous) 20 minute time span, they could become very sick. When I weighed over 400lbs. I might have eaten this very meal- and felt AWFUL afterwards, but I didn't care.

I guess that’s what changed- somewhere along the way, you either decide to Care what you're eating or not Care.

Do you care?