This is Now

How can I change tomorrow, if I can't change today?

Down but Not Out

I am so close to my goal of 199lbs I can taste it.  I have hit that all to familiar wall again though.  I was injured in an auto accident in August and I have had very little time at the CrossFit box as a result of that.  It has been a life changing thing-  I had my routine- my schedule and things seemed to be going really great!  I am so close to hitting a personal goal I set back in December 2011- being able to Deadlift 400lbs (my previous body weight)  I acheived 395lb deadlift one week ago.  But my progress of losing weight and building strength is slow.  My entire right side is in varied amounts of pain from day to day.  I want to do so much but I worry that I'll injure myself more severely. 

With all of this I cannot lose sight of the things I have committed to accomplishing. 
Its getting close to the end of this year and I will not leave anything unfinished.  I MUST- I WILL DO THIS.

215lbs.

16lbs. to go!

Believe and Do

"Though we may fall- we rise again.
Though we may bleed- we heal.
Though we may tire- our movement will not cease.
We are Warriors of the mind and body."


-M.S. Gold




There is a frame of mind- a point of clarity that I came to-it has helped me to push on, to keep going when my body wants to stop- and it is "I WILL"
Instead of "I can" or "I should" or "I Could" I tell myself "I will do this"


When I was born, my parents saw right away that I had a birth deformity.  "Chronic Clubbed Foot"  My ankles were turned in so far that I really had no ankle.  After multiple surgeries to rebuild and repair my broken little feet and Casts and metal pins and special shoes and clinics and Dr. visits galore....my feet still didn't quite work.  I should have been unable to walk, but I did- because I wanted something more that what I'd been handed.  I just had to work for it.  I have worked hard, and I'm here... walking.  Sometimes in pain- but that pain is manageable- I can over power that pain, through work- and training- through the therapy of consistency and dedication to my sport, I AM GROWING.  This may seem like a Rant but I'm just trying to make this so clear.  I do- what I do- because I have made the choice to do it.  It didn't come to me easily.  

to those that may read this and seek the magic pill answer to their questions-sorry if you didn't find it here :)


Believe and Do.   


(I am participating in the Kansas Half Marathon on April 22nd.  I wish the Dr.'s (that told my parents they should give up spending money on my feet) were still alive.  Look at me now.

Shedding Time

(Side story)

Two Years ago I participated in my first 5K.  I walked, ran and jogged for just under an hour to reach to finish line.  Fast forward to this year (I hadn't really run for any distance since the 5K) I ran 4.04 miles in less time.  Since joining CrossFit Believe, I have made huge strides in my athletic capacity, it's evident.

Main story:

A couple weeks ago My brother and I went for a run- a 2 mile loop, He was hesitant, he didn't think he could make it.  However, we completed it in 30 minutes which included a little rest.    He was super proud of himself for finishing (as was I)

Today we ran 2 miles for time.  My brother and I finished at close to 25 minutes with NO rest.  in the second 1 mile lap, he took the lead and set the pace.  Made me so proud of him.  This just puts a huge smile on my face.  My brother was a 16 year cigarette smoker who quit smoking, joined CrossFit and changed his life.  Today he is an athlete.  Fitness is our sport and I LOVE that he and I are a part of it.

People exchange habits, sometimes bad ones for good ones.  But, They must WANT IT.  THEY must Do it.  

An Old Friend

Wow- it has been 4 months since I last updated this blog- and believe me- a lot has happened since then.  I moved back to the town that grew up in.  A shocking reentry into the old habits I use to have.  I started smoking again, quit working out and ate very little to compensate.  It was working- I got down to 229 lbs  but when starvation got old, I ate. And it all came back- I went back up to 245lbs.  Depressed, discouraged and (seemingly) defeated- I turned to Christ for strength.  I had sought strength in cigarettes, myself, the world and the gym  but NONE of those worked.  I needed real community- I needed accountability- I needed to finish what I started.  I started talking with an old friend from high school (Alan Joyner).  I followed him on facebook and saw how he was involved in a group called CrossFit.  (www.crossfitbelieve.com)  I saw his amazing progress and fitness capabilities and I wanted to know more about it- I wanted to be apart of something again.  So when the opportunity came up (December 5th) I took the plunge and joined CrossFit Believe.  

 (45lb Kettle Bell Swings)

I have learned that being "out of it" for only a few months REALLY set me back (as my mentor Matt B. warned me about) I am really feeling incredible these days.  Feeling strong, feeling confident and I have a goal in mind that is more realistic for my height and build.  BMI is a ghost- no one knows why they're chasing it- why they want to have that "normal" bmi.  I guess it's because the majority of the people out there want whats normal.  guess I want to do what's best.  199lbs is my new goal.  Lean, Strong,  and Athletic. 

My challenge for 2012 is to hit 199lbs and maintain it.  

I will do it- I CAN DO ALL THINGS, THROUGH CHRIST, WHO STRENGTHENS ME.  

Boom.

Quick update- Last week's weigh in was amazing- God is good, all the time.  247.8 lbs! 

I cannot remember when I weighed this little- I am going to try to get ahold of my adolescent medical records to confirm.

Pushing hard- ramping up the weight lifting days- I can see muscles I did not know existed on me.

64lbs. to go!

Have you ever seen so many losers?

Hey.  Whats Up?

I have noticed on TV that weight loss is EVERYWHERE!!  I know this comes in phases, and that before I was born there were periods of fitness and weight loss focus in our country.   But these stories are like none I've ever heard of.  I watched a story of a guy who lost over 200lbs, had skin removal surgery, and is now feeling better than ever.  Yay! and everyone cheered.... 
I don't know why, I don't know how, but these certain people are chosen.  And their given an incredible opportunity.  To change their life with all the best help, financial assistance and doctors that can do anything.  Then- they're given a platform on which to make a statement about how and why they did this thing- made this change. I keep thinking, this isn't fair! 
I have literally worked my butt off for almost 1 year now, I've lost 150lbs by eating healthy and exercising.
This weekend I weighed in at 251.6lbs

You know, I need help too, but there's no one there that will step in and pay the bill for all the surgery and counseling and food and gym fee's and every other cost associated with changing from Morbid Obesity to Healthy BMI.  Most of us just Deal with it.  We have to Fight- tooth and nail- for every ounce of weight we'll lose. But honestly, every day that we're stuck in the body of something You don't wanna see is like an eternity in pain.

It makes me toss and turn, sometimes.

I wish someone would give me the chance.  I've done 90% of the work without the assistance (besides motivation and support) that these "Contestants" get. 

I wanna feel good about myself too. 
Don't I deserve that?

God,
I know that there is nothing more important than the understanding that Your Son, Jesus died for my sins so that I might live again.  I thank you for the strength, courage and endurance you've placed in me.  I couldn't do this alone.  I ask you for help, Father.  I need something to ease my mind- my soul.  When I look in the mirror all I see is what I have done wrong.  Change that, Lord.  Continue to change me.

Amen.

67lbs to go!